Please Don't Let Social Media Tests Dictate the Future of Your Relationship

We've all seen them: questionable challenges and throwback quizzes on social media that claim to be able to determine the health and vitality of your relationship. Most recently, TikTok users have relied on the "orange peel theory" to see if their love is meant to be, but there's also been the "Beckham test," forest questions, and countless others before it.

So, is there any merit to these social media relationship tests? Like dating in 2024, it's complicated.

"I don't think anyone should break up over these challenges," says Kiaundra Jackson, LMFT, a licensed couples' therapist based in Los Angeles. But, she adds, they can be useful conversation openers that can help foster connection and provide clarity on the health of your relationship.

Below, learn more about the benefits and drawbacks of participating in one of these challenges — and what licensed relationship therapists suggest trying instead.

For the uninitiated, the orange peel theory has dominated FYPs over the past several months,
surpassing eight million views on TikTok. In the challenge, a partner asks their significant other to fetch them an orange and peel it for them. The tested partner is "successful" if they willingly peel the orange. If they refuse, as often happens in the videos that go viral, the relationship is doomed. (If the partner peels the orange before they're even asked — that's a keeper.)

"I think at the core of this theory is, 'Does my partner think about me and take me into consideration while moving through the world?' and if the answer is yes, that is a great indicator of the health of a relationship," says New York City-based psychotherapist Rachel Wright, LMFT.

Jackson agrees that the orange peel test could be a decent barometer to grasp how much your partner is considering you throughout small, everyday tasks. "I think the orange peel theory is a great test of your partner's patience and desire to help you, and your partner's ability to have teamwork and partnership," she says.

Wright cautions against putting too much stock in this test, however. "The orange peel theory suggests that having a partner who performs small acts of service for you — like peeling an orange — is a sign of a healthy relationship," she says. "This can be legit for many couples, and for some it's not. Not everyone receives care and love through acts of service."

Wright is referring to Gary Chapman's 1992 book "The Five Love Languages," which details the
different ways we express and receive love. (Chapman, a Baptist preacher, has publicly made homophobic remarks, but his framework has become a staple in the modern romance lexicon.) In addition to acts of service, other "love languages" include words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, and giving or receiving gifts. So, if your partner is more of a giving-gifts sort of lover and is asked to peel an orange, well, things might not stack up in their favor. In other words, you might not be setting up your partner for success and could end up with sour grapes (or oranges).

"The little things in a relationship can often stack up to become the big things, which makes them important," Wright says. That said, Wright adds that "putting so much weight on one specific type of act of service" might not be the most supportive path forward.

From the forest questions to the "bird test," all sorts of challenges have stormed social media and can be used to illuminate different facets of your relationship.

"You can use [these trends] as an indicator of an area where we need to improve or where you're really strong," Jackson says. They can also open a door to discovering new things about your significant other. From these tests, "You might learn more about your partner's likes, wants, and needs," she adds.

Just like the "mob wife" or "clean girl" aesthetics, social media quizzes and challenges are trendy. As such, they rise and fall in relevancy. Would it feel reasonable for the future of your relationship to hinge on whether your significant other wears skinny jeans? Probably (maybe) not. The same level of scrutiny could — and should — be applied to relationship challenges.

For one, Jackson says, it's unclear who's creating the challenges and if they have any credentials that qualify them to determine what a healthy relationship looks like. Without knowing who's behind these challenges — and their intentions — it's difficult to assign any value to your partner's decision to peel an orange for you.

"First, when I see these things, I wonder, 'Who created it?' I haven't seen any well-known psychologists or someone who has weight in the relationship space sharing these sorts of theories," Jackson says. "Second, I often think of the intention behind the creator, like are they doing this to genuinely have fun or to see how relationships are, or are they doing this for negative reasons, like to see how many people break up or how many negative comments they can get."

Beyond putting your relationship in the hands of a possible troll, these challenges set up binaries that don't necessarily align with how naturally complicated people are. For example, maybe your partner does believe in acts of service but just has a thing about oranges.

These challenges set up "shoulds" in a relationship, Wright explains. "We are already inundated with shoulds and musts and supposed tos in our life and relationships," she says. "Sometimes these challenges manufacture extra shoulds." When believing in what your partner "should" do in a certain scenario, it can not only set up your partner to flop, but it can also skew your expectations.

While engaging in a little harmless fun can do wonders for your relationship, using social media to determine its longevity probs isn't the best idea. If you're curious to explore the long-term potential of your relationship, there are better avenues to try.

For one, Wright suggests checking out Best Self Journal, a daily guided journal for you and your significant other to complete. Prompts in the journal can provide a foundation for reflection and conversation with your partner to identify areas where you're thriving, and others that might need attention.

If you need help processing your relationship, Wright recommends reaching out to a licensed counselor or therapist who can work with you solo or together. Outside of ongoing counseling, "couples' communication workshops or coaching" might be a fit, she says. And last, "Put yourselves in situations that help foster communication and elicit closeness and getting to know each other."

Most important, though, is remembering to listen to your gut: ultimately, you are the only one who knows what it feels like for you to be in your relationship. "If you know in your body that it's not a right fit, that's enough," Wright says. "That means there is something wrong because you're not fully happy, and it's not a right fit. There doesn't have to be an overt bad thing going on to want to not be in a relationship anymore — and that's for all types of relationships, not just romantic and sexual."

Liz Doupnik is a freelance fashion and lifestyle journalist with almost 20 years of experience. She's cut her teeth at WWD, StyleCaster, Nike, and Shape, where she was the digital executive editor. A trends and culture specialist, Liz's work has appeared in W, Rolling Stone, Dwell, The Zoe Report, and USA Today, among others.